Dude Looks Like A Lady
by Terra Evans
Summary: [AU Yr 5] To protect Harry from Voldemort, Dumbledore disguises him as Snape's unknown daughter. Add in Zabini, Malfoy, the Gryffindors and mix well. The result? Utter confusion.
1. Entering The Enchanted

Title: Dude Looks Like A Lady

Character(s): Harry P. & ?

Genre: Humor/Romance

Rating: T

Summary: AU (5th Year) Harry gets turned into a female because it would "protect her from Voldemort indefinitely" for some reason. Harry is suddenly free from her old responsibility as Harry Potter. Could Harry leave that kind of life to become Harry Potter again?

Author's Notes: I hope everyone enjoys the new version of "From Boy To Girl"!

Chapter One: Entering The Enchanted

I normally was a firm believer that a man stayed a man, but it seems I was sorely wrong. I have decided that my new body will be of great use until I give my beloved godfather and Headmaster a one way trip to hell - via Harry Potter Express.

I guess I should explain a few things, shouldn't I? My name is Harry James Potter. I'm 15 years old and I'm going into my fifth year at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. My problem? My godfather (and most likely Remus Lupin) and headmaster have deemed it necessary that I have a new form of protection. So...

...they turned me into a girl.

Truthfully, it wasn't such a bad idea - at first. I got a new identity away from fame and the all knowing population of the Wizarding World and they got a fabulous protection for me from Voldemort. I mean, how's he gunna know that his greatest nemesis by the name of Harry James Potter is going to be right under his abnormally snake-like nose under the guise of Haley Storm Snape. Yeah, I know - Snape? But Old Moldy Warts wouldn't be expecting that...actually, neither was Snape.

Who knew a de-aging potion on Prof. McGonagall could attract so much attention? (In my opinion, she didn't have to knock me out, shove me into Snape's arms, declare me his illegimate daughter, and run away - but not after leaving my identification papers with Dumbledore of course.) So, Snape has no idea that I'm actually Harry Potter, the bane of his existence and not his illegimate daughter. I'm playing the angry and rebellious daughter very well so far.

But I'm getting too far ahead of myself.

The body they gave me really isn't that bad. It isn't something to sniff at either. I mean, (and I'm telling you this after I actually looked in a mirror) I have wavy brown-black hair that goes down to my hips, my Mum's green eyes (with hazel mixed in, not to seem to suspicious of my real mum - the eyes are almost a dead give away), curvy hips, cute face, long legs, boobs - that took some getting used to! - and I'm a little shorter than I used to be (not that I wasn't already short before this anyway…). I was hot! - at least by my standards I mean.

But I had absolutely no idea how to be a girl - come on, what guy does? - so the Headmaster decided he would gather two trustworthy women to "train" me in how to act like a girl.

He called in Parvati and Padma Patil.

Boy was I surprised - especially since he didn't call in Hermione to help! But, the two did prove to be of great help, and truly did know what they were talking about...after the situation was explained and they stopped laughing at me.

Here's how my "training" went...


	2. Land of Learning Pt 1

Title: Dude Looks Like A Lady

Character(s): Harry P. & ?

Genre: Humor/Romance

Rating: T

Summary: AU (5th Year) Harry gets turned into a female because it would "protect her from Voldemort indefinitely" for some reason. Harry is suddenly free from her old responsibility as Harry Potter. Could Harry leave that kind of life to become Harry Potter again?

Chapter One: Land of Learning Pt. 1

Day One: Meeting With The Twins

It was on July 23 (I had arrived at Hogwarts via Floo Powder on the 20th, and Dumbledore had me take the "Gender-Bender" Potion on the 21st, which then gave me one day to get used to my...assets...before my trainers arrive) that I was called up to Dumbledore's office. I didn't know what I had done (or hadn't done) - but I was going to find out soon enough!

I quickly told the gargoyle the password ("Reece's Peanut Butter Cup") then walked onto the revolving staircase after the stone gargoyle jumped aside. As I went up the stairs, I could hear a conversation going on in Dumbledore's office. I couldn't understand it though. When I reached the door, I gave it a few knocks.

"You can come in now, Harry." Dumbledore almost snickered from behind his desk. I peered around the door, staring in disbelief at the old man.

"How'd you know it was me?" I wheedled at the Headmaster pathetically. Ever since the whole fiasco had begun, I had been more informal with Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, and Professor Flitwick. It was almost scary how protective they adults became of me when I became a girl - especially after they found out how the Dursleys acted towards me and magic in general.

He sighed, and I could almost swear he was trying to hold in laughter. "Only you, dear girl, knock to the Muggle tune of 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat'."

I gave my now tiny hand a horrified look, then switched to Dumbledore, and then switched again to my hand. Then I shook my head, gave up trying to understand my sudden bout of madness, and walked into the room.

I was suddenly hyper-aware of how I had acted towards Padma at the Yule Ball for the Triwizard Tournament last year. I felt my face burn as I stared back at the two Indian girls lounging in the plush chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"Um...hi?" I ventured. The two looked at Dumbledore in shock, and I realized they probably hadn't known that Dumbledore was actually telling the truth and not pulling some wool over their eyes at their presence in Hogwarts. Dumbledore nodded serenely at them, and they practically shot over to me.

I jumped at their sudden closeness, but decided to ignore that for their new predatory looks as they circled me. Just then, I wondered where those parchments and quills had come from, and what exactly they were writing.

"Turn for us Harry dear." Parvati ordered kindly from a few feet away. I did so, slowly and awkwardly, but knowing it was probably what they wanted. Parvati continued, observing my new qualities. "Thick hair - a gorgeous brunette color -" BRUNETTE! When was I ever a brunette! "-and big eyes, nice shape and color. Not to noticeable from far away."

Padma picked up from there. "Bad fashion sense - it must be rectified before the start of term sister mine." She tapped her lips thoughtfully with a long nail. Then she wrote comments on the parchment. "Good body - small and petite. Good posture also. Did you learn how to do this in the last day, or is it habit?" She asked. I thought about it for a minute.

"It is a habit for good posture, Padma, but with the new body, I had to re-learn it so I wouldn't topple over." I grimaced. I had found that out the hard way yesterday when I had gotten tangled in the bed sheet and fell out of bed, fallen down a flight of stairs and tripped going into the Great Hall. Madam Pomphrey fixed up my bruises and sprained ankle quickly, and gave me a warning to be extra careful for a while until I was used to my body's new center of balance.

"Interesting." Padma and Parvati said simultaneously.

"So, what are you two going to do to me?" I asked curiously. I didn't fear Voldemort, but I did fear those to smirking grins they gave me - as if they were planning my torture or something. I was most definitely afraid to find out.

"Well, first we need to have a good long talk about what you need to know about your new body and the changes it'll be going through - and those emotions that tag along for the ride." Parvati smiled benignly, and then looked at her notes. "Then we are going to go for a thorough waxing and tanning. After that, we'll go to a salon for your hair and nails. Last, we'll go shopping for some fitting clothes and accessories." Parvati looked up from the parchment to give a pleading stare at Dumbledore. "I'd like to take Harry into Muggle London for some clothes also, Headmaster. She'll need some other things besides robes and the uniform."

"Of course, Ms. Patil. I'll have Prof. McGonagall accompany you on this trip." He smiled at her, and Parvati nodded in acceptance.

"That'll be okay - a pureblood witch to give us opinions on what clothes would be acceptable in the Wizarding world." Padma mumbled the last bit to herself, although I believe Dumbledore heard it also.

"But that's it?" I asked, almost shocked. It didn't sound all that bad at all! Hardly the torture I was imagining at first.

Parvati looked me up and down. "Yeah Harry, I believe that'll be all we'll do with you."

"Wait, sister mine." Padma placed a hand on my shoulder. "How long will Harry remain a girl? A month? A year? Forever? She'll need to know haw to actually be a girl, Parvati, or the disguise won't be believable." Padma argued.

I almost wanted to run away. How long would I really be in this disguise? Dumbledore and I hadn't truly discussed that topic at length, and now I really wanted to know.

Padma drew my attention back to the present. "I don't think Hermione will be much help in this either, because she's not close with other girls her age, just guys. And Ron doesn't have a feminine bone in his body. I can't really say that for Harry here any longer though."

"Your right, Padma." Parvati smiled brightly. "As always. We'll teach Harry how to act, talk, and walk like a girl." The two sisters turned towards me with gentle looks that transformed in sadistic grins before my very eyes.

It was then that I knew I was doomed.


	3. Land of Learning Pt 2

Title: Dude Looks Like A Lady

Character(s): Harry P. & ?

Genre: Humor/Romance

Rating: T

Summary: AU (5th Year) Harry gets turned into a female because it would "protect her from Voldemort indefinitely" for some reason. Harry is suddenly free from her old responsibility as Harry Potter. Could Harry leave that kind of life to become Harry Potter again?

Chapter Two: Land of Learning Pt. 2

It was the next day that my prediction after the meeting with the twins came true - and the doom was going to be a very long and drawn out torture. It all started breakfast on Monday morning...

The houselves had become my new best friends. They specially made me cocoa covered crispy cereal served over milk along with pumpkin juice.

It was heaven.

After the first bite, I was hooked. And I decided to pay the houselves extra care and to be extra polite from then on (as long as they served me that cereal. Those tiny gremlins were gods in disguise!!!

Of course, my happiness couldn't last.

The twins sat down across from me at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, both wearing mischievous grins on their faces. Ohh, the torture!

The spoon holding my delicious cereal froze halfway to my mouth.

"Hi Harry." Parvati and Padma said simultaneously. I stared at them suspiciously for a second, before replying,

"Hello Parvati, Padma."

Then ate the spoonful of chocolaty good confection

"So what do you know about girls and sex, Harry dear?" One of them asked.

I choked on the chocolaty good cereal.

And promptly began sputtering.

"Pardon?" I wheezed out between coughs. They had to have been planning that. I just know it.

"Girls and sex, Harry." Parvati smiled. "What do you know?"

Burn, baby, burn!!! My mind yelled furiously to the rest of my body as my pale skin flushed a violently obvious fuchsia.

"Never mind, Harry. Your blush answers my question." Parvati chuckled - you know the kind? Those throaty things that girls do when they couldn't find the right situation to giggle? Yeah, those.

The next half hour soon became the most embarrassing of my life as they explained exactly what it meant to be a girl in the Wizarding world - and I would give anything to have not had them be the ones to tell me. They asked thorough questions to make sure I had been listening.

shudders

"So, do you understand?" Padma asked me, at last. You remember that blush I wore at the beginning of the conversation? Oh yeah, the fuchsia was still there - just ten times more bright. My body, The Traitor. That's a laugh.

Really...it is.

"Yes, I...um...get the picture, Padma." I replied.

With sound.

And special effects

"Good." Padma nodded, her black waves bouncing.

"So, what's your new alias?" Parvati asked. I sighed. Did those two take turns talking or something? I wondered. But the subject was something I could finally explain without getting embarrassed.

"Well, Prof. Dumbledore suggested I use Prof. Snape as my father, strangely enough. I think he's off his rocker about this one though - I mean, Snape? A father?" I told the two. Parvati smiled and bobbed her head in agreement, but Padma looked pensive.

"Snape seems to be wonderful father material." Padma blurted out. We stared at her, shocked. "Well, he adores the Slytherins as his own and he makes sure they are all being taken care of. He's a very good suggestion, Harry." Padma said quickly, clearly embarrassed by what she said.

Parvati looked like she had swallowed a couple of lemons. Heck, I bet I did too.

"Well," Padma continued on, despite her embarrassment, "he would be a wonderful father, Harry." Padma looked earnestly at me. I almost couldn't comprehend that statement. Snape, a father? Yet again, a good father? It almost wasn't believable by how he treats the Gryffindors...but by how he treats the Slytherins...

Okay, so maybe he'd do okay at the fatherhood thing.

"So have you thought of the name you're going to use?" Parvati asked me. As of right then, I was officially sick of this twisted Spanish Inquisition.

"No, I haven't." I answered honestly. What kind of name would Snape have given me if I really was his child? I had no insight into his mind, not that I really want one either….but a name would be really nice to have.

I felt a hand drop onto my shoulder and I jumped. Tilting my head backwards, I met the twinkling amber-honey eyes of Remus Lupin, Marauder Extraordinaire.

"It is Haley Storm Snape, girls." Remus' mouth twitched at my (I'm sure it was the reason for it, too!) furiously embarrassed expression. I had known OF the name, not WHAT it was.

"Does the name have any special meaning, sir?" Padma, ever the Ravenclaw, asked curiously. I suddenly took notice of the shaggy black, grim-like dog sitting on its haunches beside Remus. I smiled and reached over to scratched Sirius' ears as I listened to Remus' answer.

"Well, Haley was the closet to Harry that we thought was safe and easy to remember….but other than that, no, there really isn't any special meaning attached to the name." Remus smiled at us.

I was beginning to become exasperated already with him.

"Go away Moony." I groaned, dropping my head onto the table….missing my bowl of yummy chocolaty goodness by millimeters.

"Okie dokie then." Remus cheerfully ruffled my neatly combed hair (for once!) and then practically skipped out of the Great Hall, dragging a whimpering Sirius – the – Grimm off to Who – Knows – Where. I've never been to that place, but Sirius assures me that I would never want to go.

I turned back towards the twins after watching Remus prance out of the Great Hall (and shaking my head in disbelief) and then asked, "So what are you two planning for my training today?"

"Well, we are going to give you a WitchWax, and then we're going to do your hair because we both know for a fact you like your hair being played with…because Hermione told us last year." Parvati grinned as she stood. (I was going to blackmail Hermione so bad when she got back to Hogwarts for telling those two my weakness for having my hair played with! Of course, anyone starved for affection would like any kind given to them, I just especially like my hair – I love how it give me those tingles...) She bent over and grabbed my wrist, pulling me out of the Great Hall, with Padma following us at a more sedate pace.

It took about five minutes before I comprehended what they had actually told me they were going to do. This is my reaction:

"YOU'RE GOING TO WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"Never you mind Haley my dear. We're going to make you a girl whether you want to or not anymore!" Parvati smiled. It gave me chills seeing that smile.

"It'll all be over soon enough, Haley." Padma patted me on the shoulder, which caused a slight panic attack, because I was worrying about what they were going to do to me.

We reached the Gryffindor Tower in record time (well, if you don't count that time where Ron and I forgot our Potions book and we had to run and get it…) and then the twins practically frog-marched me into the girl's bathroom, where they sat me down on a stool that was there for when that group of girls goes to the bathroom all at once so one can sit down while they are waiting.

Weirdoes.

Soon enough, Parvati turned to me and grabbed me by the arm and yanked me up, only to yank my loose, comfy pants completely off, leaving me in a pair of panties that Minnie had been kind enough to go buy me (I hadn't known at the time that she had bought me something called a thong, but I soon figured out that they were very uncomfortable. As they were my only pair, and all of my boxers had been destroyed in the strange bonfire held my first night – seeing some of your professors dance around in unholy glee around a bonfire of burning underwear like that is very VERY disturbing… - so I was stuck with the pack of thongs given to me.

The twins stopped what they were doing to give my underwear a curious look.

"Cute thong Haley." Parvati said, giving the lacy material look, and then pushing me back onto the stool.

"Okay, Haley, are you ready for your first and only WitchWax?" Padma asked evilly as she grabbed my leg.

I frowned, "I hope so."

"That's good." Padma continued, pointing her wand at my leg, said a spell, and watched in a slightly distracted manner as a glob of hot wax shot out onto my leg

"OUCH!" I snapped at Padma. "Does it have to be so hot?"

"Yes." She answered. "Suck it up." And then she placed a bit of material over it, pressed, and then ripped the blobby strip of wax and material off in one painful yank.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I'm sure that THAT was heard from the Tower to the dungeons.

As soon as I quit screaming, 3 minutes later, Padma shook her head, pointed her wand at me and muttered, "Stupefy."

I was definitely glad that she knocked me out for this torture…because I'm still dearly hoping that Old Moldy Shorts never gets into this practice of torture.

When I was "Enervate"-ed, I was awoken to a very painful ache from...well...pretty much my lower half, with the exception for the pain radiating from under my arms. I noticed that the twin terrors were far enough away from my hands (as I wouldn't dare move my legs to cause myself more Pain!) and my wand was also to many feet away from my reach.

Damn them, they're smart.

"What now?" I asked, a groan tail ending my question from the pain.

"Well, since we gave you a bikini wax, a regular leg and underarm wax, all you have to do is apply the potion to all the spots that hair was removed from to prevent future hair growth. Then we'll be all set to start with your hair." Parvati looked excited at the prospect of playing with my hair. I had to admit I was too. I loved people rubbing their hands through it – it was calming. I made the exception for major ruffling though – that was annoying because I have to attempt to straighten it after the fact.

Ten minutes later, after I had applied the potion to all of my parts (not without blushing horribly, I might add), I was bent over a bath tub on my knees as Parvati chattered on to me about what kind of hair she thought would look good on me and what kind of hair color I might want to have. I wasn't really listening that well, as the shampoo she was scrubbing into my hair and her gently massaging it in had me sighing in appreciation for her efforts. (The shampoo had a spicy chocolate scent to it – it kind of reminded me of Dobby's special hot chocolate he makes me in the winter time.)

"Um...something easy to control and manage." I mumbled into the towel over my face a few minutes after the original question had been asked. I really did like that shampoo.

"So something strait." Parvati paused in her ministrations to think for a moment.

"That sounds okay with me…" I replied hesitantly. "But I think I might like to have long hair. It's not like it can't be pulled up if it's too long for some things, right?"

I really wanted to have long hair even though I felt like I was losing all that I had of my father with me being a girl now and all, and I know that my mum had hip length hair (mostly because of her graduation photo, and I liked how it looked), but I also like the feel of my own hair on my back.

Parvati seemed to be smiling (I couldn't really tell, I was still bent over the tub) at my answer as she finished rinsing out the shampoo. Then she stood strait and (cracked her back also, but that's unimportant, as I couldn't – bloody low tubs!) and grabbed a matching conditioner to the shampoo. Then she attacked my hair with the creamy soap.

All three of us were silent while Parvati worked the conditioner in, waited five minutes, and then rinsed it out. The only other sounds were of the running water and Padma flicking through a WitchFashion magazine.

Parvati squeezed the excess water out of my hair, then grabbed a towel and wrapped it turban style around my head. I was reminded of Quirrel and his ugly purple turban, but I squelched the thought swiftly. I didn't need more reminders of the snaky faced Moldy Warts. Even if his "name" gave me strange mental images of moldy green warts (human sized!) going around on stage singing 'This Girl/Boy Must Die' (the Death Munchers – dressed in sparkly green/black hot pants – can canned across center stage.)

I was drawn out of my extremely disturbing thoughts by being plunked down into a chair in the Gryffindor commons. I suddenly wondered how I had gotten there, as I couldn't remember walking… Looking up, I saw Padma holding a pair of humongous, menacing sheers in her right hand and a comb in her left. Parvati sat in front of both of us holding a large Muggle mirror aloft in front of me.

I "meeped" as Padma started to snip large quantities of hair ("Merlin Haley! You have just awful split ends!") away from my head. Around our feet, a pool of brunette strands continued to grow.

About fifteen minutes later, Padma was done cutting and "layering" my hair.

I was encouraged to look in the mirror by Parvati. When I finally did though, I was stunned.

The reflection staring back at me had large, almond shaped green eyes that peered out at the world from thick black lashes. Hip length brown-black hair with long, uneven bangs that covered the famous scar that marked me as Harry Potter. Pale skin, a pert nose, and full cherry lips with strait white teeth peeking out behind them stared back at me from the mirror.

I was pretty and gorgeous.

And I loved it.

Parvati and Padma placed their chins on each of my shoulders (Parvati had propped up the mirror earlier so she wouldn't have to hold it). They were both smiling gently at my reaction to my reflection

"You make a very pretty and amazing young woman Haley Storm Snape. Never forget that." Padma leaned her cheek against mine for a moment, then stood up and left the image for a second. She returned soon enough, though, so I didn't worry too much. I just kept staring into the mirror, thinking.

I could see myself staying in this body.

And that was when I truly accepted myself as both Haley Storm Snape and Harry Potter – that I could really be myself in this body without repercussions and without the pressures of being the Boy-Who-Lived.

And I really liked the sound of that.


	4. Land of Learning Pt 3

Title: Dude Looks Like A Lady

Character(s): Harry P. & ?

Genre: Humor/Romance

Rating: PG-13

Summary: AU (5th Year) Harry gets turned into a female because it would "protect her from Voldemort indefinitely" for some reason. Harry is suddenly free from her old responsibility as Harry Potter. Could Harry leave that kind of life to become Harry Potter again?

Author's Notes: Hey everybody! Hope everyone's liked the story so far, as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Harry just has some final touches, then his training will be over! Keep reading - I promise it'll get better! Below is the timeline so far in the story. Sorry I forgot to get it mentioned in the story!

More reviews!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!

The Timeline so far...

July 20th - Harry arrives at Hogwarts

July 21st - Harry is changed into a girl

July 23rd - The Patil twins arrive at Hogwarts

July 24th - the talk, the torture, and the hair styling

July 26th - The final touches on Harry's training

Chapter Four: Land of Learning Pt. 3

It was a new day for me, the beginning of July 26th. I was finally the person I wanted to be - not abused by the Dursleys, not worshipped by my salvation, and not hated for what I didn't really do. I was going to be Haley Snape, and nothing short of Voldemort showing up and challenging me to a duel would ever change that.

That was the promise I made to myself that day, and I planned to see it through to the very best of my ability.

And that's saying something.

The twins ended up taking me shopping yesterday, so I could "expand my horizons" (really, all it meant was that they were drilling me on recent fashions). After my shopping trip from Hell, Parvati and Padma dragged me to the abandoned Third Corridor for me to practice walking in all heel sizes. I believe the ground and I were very well acquainted before the night was through, and I finally got the balance required for the shoes.

And it was at noon on July 26th that my new day in my life as Haley became a little more strange.

It was decided that I need dancing lessons. Well, not really dance lessons, but a spell was cast on me to help me learn the dance steps better when the twins would teach me. I was ushered in McGonagall's classroom after lunch (which was around noon) and she explained what was going to happen and then she cast the spell on me.

I could then sense everything that was happening in my line of sight, and could understand it perfectly. It was like having a photographic memory. I wondered if it was permanent. I asked.

"Yes, my dear, it is as permanent as you would like it to be." McGonagall smiled benignly at me and I grinned. So this was how those silly Ravenclaws got so smart!

I was then shipped off to a recently remodeled DADA classroom that had been specifically remodeled for this, as it was one of the biggest classrooms in Hogwarts. Inside, there stood Padma and Parvati flicking through a large case of CD's and behind them stood a large stereo system that had extremely large speakers. Off to the side were a bewildered Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, watching the two girls fight over songs, sexiness, and what to teach first. I couldn't help it - I snickered at their expressions.

The two turned as one to scowl briefly at me, but then went back to their sulking.

But my snickering drew the attention of the twins, who immediately came over to me holding some strange looking outfit in theirs hands. After shoving it into my arms, Parvati only said, "Change." and then shoved me into a tiny cubical I hadn't noticed before. Sighing, I did as I was told.

I stripped from my hip hugger jeans, tee and undergarments into a spandex like outfit. It was actually a leotard, black in color, and skin tight. I had no reason to wear one of my new bras with it either, it was that tight. It was very...slimming. I slipped the baggy black capris on over it and then stuffed my feet into the dance slippers that they wanted me to wear. It was actually kind of comfortable.

I quickly gathered my other clothes and stepped from the cubical. Parvati whistled in approval (Padma only glanced, then went back to putting a CD into the player), and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sirius sputtering and Remus pounding his back. I smiled slightly and then dropped my clothes off into a chair off to the side.

Padma walked over to me from the stereo. When she reached me, Padma handed me a brush and a hair tie for my long hair. With a now blinding grin on my face, I yanked my hair back into a thick tail from the back of my head.

I ignored the crash of Sirius falling in his attempt to get to me so he could force me to change. My godfather was so strange sometimes. I shook my head and followed Parvati to the middle of the floor.

"Okay Haley - we really need to get you a nickname - I want you to do this." Parvati did a quick step, which I repeated perfectly because of the spell. "Good. Now this." All the dance moves Parvati was making me do were simple and easy, not really requiring much flexibility on my part. It was nice.

And so it continued, until Padma went to the middle and showed me a step that had to have been classified a shy away from "I am going to seduce you". I, of course, smirked and repeated it.

Parvati started laughing and pressed the PLAY button on the CD player and some guy named Shaggy began singing. Parvati told me the song was called _Mr. Boombastic._ The three of gathered in the middle and I put into use the new dance moves I had learned. Sirius and Remus got very interesting show, and I knew that they were somewhere between horrified at my new boldness and amused at my freedom of expression.

And then we were finished with what they labeled as "club dancing", and then moved onto the more traditional dances like waltzes, two steps, swings, and tangos. I then knew what my two godfathers had been brought in for.

I went and changed into a pair of high heels for ballroom practice, as that would be what I would be dancing anyway whenever I truly did dance.

Padma placed a CD into the stereo and then some soft strains of a waltz began to play. Sirius "gallantly" strode over to me and bent over my hand and asked me to dance.

"We shall, my good godfather." I giggled as he spun me around on the tiled floor, my heels clicking against the stone. Sirius placed my right hand on his left shoulder, then grabbed my left hand in his right and started to move across the floor gracefully, practically dragging me along.

"A one and a two and a three and a four...yes, that's it!" Sirius exclaimed, and then spun me around a couple of times in celebration. I wasn't laughing about this though – I was too busy concentrating on the steps. But we were both laughing by the time the whole waltz was done, though.

After that was done, Remus took my hands and lead me in a two step that I caught on quickly to, and then a fast paced swing dance that had everyone laughing at our attempts.

I was then given off to Padma, because neither of my godfathers felt comfortable doing any tango with me. Like all the others, I learned this dance just as easily as the others.

By the time they were finished teaching me all they knew, it was just shy of six-thirty in the evening. The five of us went back to our rooms for a quick shower to rid us of all the sweat we had accumulated while dancing, and then met in the Great Hall for dinner with Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Flitwick. As soon as we had sat down and loaded our plates, Dumbledore smiled innocently and asked how our day went and if we would enjoy a night in Hogsmeade?

"Ah..." I sighed dramatically. "It was fine, Professor. But it will be an even better day when those four over there realize that I'm Merlin."

That had all of us laughing, but it really wasn't that funny when I thought about it later.

After dinner, I had escaped from the twins and I holed up in my room to read when my bedroom door was opened by the two people I had escaped from.

"What do you two want?" I asked tiredly. They looked kind of sheepish, and I knew I was going to regret what I knew I would eventually agree to.

"Well Haley, Padma and I got tickets for the opening night of this Wizarding dance club – the Whirling Wand, if you must know – and we had an extra ticket." Parvati looked anxious. "We'll understand if you don't want to go, but I figured you must be tired of doing all these things to better your disguise. We kind of wanted this to be a birthday surprise for you, but the tickets we got were earlier than we wanted and they are non refundable. Will you please come with us?" Parvati begged, turning on her Puppy Eyes to the maximum.

"Okay, Parvati." I sighed in exasperation at myself. "I'll go."

Parvati squealed. Barely resisting the urge to cover my ears, I was smiling at her reaction none the less.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Parvati chanted as she dragged me over to my enlarged wardrobe to help me pick out the sexiest outfit I owned.


	5. Fearing the Fantastic

Title: Dude Looks Like A Lady

Genre(s): Humor/Romance

Character(s): Harry P. & ?

Rating: PG-13

Summary: AU (5th Year) Harry gets turned into a female because it would "protect her from Voldemort indefinitely" for some reason. Harry is suddenly free from her old responsibility as Harry Potter. Could Harry leave that kind of life to become Harry Potter again?

Author's Notes: **getreal**, I have no idea whether or not you are complimenting the fic, insulting me, or encouraging Harry to become more womanly. If it's a flame, make it more understandable. **Uten**, sorry I confused you – Haley has cleavage, she just chooses to ignore that it's there. Yes, the scar will be mentioned. Sorry I didn't get this chapter out – I was extremely busy! I had lots of work to do and then I went to MI for vacation. Sorry!

Chapter Five: Fearing the Fantastic

With my agreement to going, came the torture of fashion. The twins were going to dress me up like a doll – clothes, makeup, the works – since it was going to be my first Wizarding club experience. I couldn't wait – can you sense any sarcasm in there?

The twins looked through my new wardrobe for something "spectacular", but soon gave it up to scour through their own clothes for something for me to wear. Soon after, I was sporting a pair of skin tight leather pants that flared at the knee, strappy heels, a black lace choker and black rose earrings, and a pale lavender spaghetti strap shirt that had an overlay of black lace. Then I got to look in my full length mirror.

"Wow." I muttered as I turned 180 to see the back. "This looks really good!" I looked at the twins, but then I saw (and heard) them squabbling over what hairstyle and makeup to use. I think I stared at them for about a minute, and then they worked out a compromise.

"Okay Haley, hair first." Parvati smirked as she shoved me down onto my vanity stool in front of my table, her wand in her right hand. She stared at my lengthy brunette strands for a small while, before pointing her wand at the back of my head. "Arricciature di Stile dei Capelli!"

If I had not known she was going to style my hair, I probably would have panicked at having a wand pointed at my head with an unknown charm coming out of the person's mouth. However, as said charm only turned my hair into a mass of untamed curls, I guess I could make an exception this time.

I spied Padma gaping at her twin and my reflection, before chuckling slightly and then coming closer to us. Still laughing, Padma muttered the counter spell, making Parvati pout. Then Padma grabbed the hairbrush and started to brush my hair gently. If you have ever had your hair brushed for you, you know how good it feels with someone running soft plastic tongs through your hair and then petting them down. If not, you do not know what you are missing – it is an extraordinary feeling.

I felt Padma stop brushing, and then I opened my eyes I had not known I had closed. When I looked into the mirror once more, I was amazed – for the second time within the hour.

Padma had brushed my hair until every strand practically had its own glow. Then she had pulled my hair back into a complicated bun of tiny braids, curls, and lavender ribbon with specific strands of hair escaping from their position to go into tight curls wherever they fell. My uneven bangs had been slightly curled to get them into a workable "bounce" to go with the rest of my hair. Moreover, on top of everything, Padma had added a spatter of silver and violet sparkled into my hair.

Overall, it looked stunning.

"Wow Paddy, that looks amazing!" Parvati murmured as she stared like me at my reflection.

"Why thank you, sister dearest." Padma curtseyed mockingly. "I do try my best."

Parvati glared.

I snickered, and Parvati whacked me none too gently on the shoulder.

"Enough out of you!" Parvati scolded, but the effect was ruined by her smile peeking out of the nasty expression.

I used Parvati's old response of pouting.

Padma had used our small spat as time to grab the makeup she wanted to use on me, and had since begun to start opening containers, grabbing makeup brushes, and other such oddities. After grabbing all that she would need, Padma set all of it onto the vanity and then began applying, and I could not see what she was doing because she was standing in front of the mirror. After a few more minutes, Padma moved away so I could look into the mirror.

I stared at myself in the mirror, amazed.

Padma had covered my face in foundation (which covered my scar), then applied a pale pink blush to my cheeks. My eyelids were painted with a mix of greens and pinks and lined with black. My lashes were longer and darker, and framed my eyes spectacularly. My lips were full and a coral pink color.

I was beautiful – gorgeous even.

"Oh Padma..." I breathed, now looking up at my new friend of one week. "Thank you."

She smiled down at me, her short hair falling into her eyes. "You're welcome, Haley."

"Well, now that she's ready, can we go?" Parvati asked expectantly from beside us. The two had gotten dressed for the club before they had come to get me ready for the experience. With that, I stood up and followed Padma and Parvati out of the door. Soon, we were out of the castle.

All three of us stood at the front doors of Hogwarts for a few minutes, before a horseless carriage pulled up in front of us – except now it was not horseless; a skeletal black horse with leathery bat wings and glowing, eerie eyes was now pulling it. Parvati and Padma climbed into the carriage happily, not even paying attention to the creepy looking horse that seemed to be imitating old Voldie. Therefore, I climbed into the carriage too, and I tried to ignore the feeling of the horse's red eyes watching me do so.

The ride was quiet and uncomfortable, almost as if the twins noticed my barely suppressed uneasiness and were being silent about it. Not long, we arrived in Hogsmeade in front of the new Wizarding club, the Whirling Wand. It was made of a dark cherry wood and had two floors. Many people were waiting in line, and I stared at the front of them enviously – it would take forever to get in!

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and I looked over to see Padma pulling three passes from her cloak pocket. Home free! We are getting in first! All three of us walked up to the bouncer, flashed our passes, and he let us in no problem.

Inside the club, it was warm and the lights were dim. The lights were fairy lights of a multitude of different colors and they were blinking every few seconds. The music was loud, and surprisingly Muggle. "All For You" by Janet Jackson to be exact. (The twins had quizzed me about pop culture during my "training".) On the dance floor was where most of the people were located, and the rest were just milling about and sipping on an alcoholic beverage or talking with someone (there was an occasional snogging couple.) Overall, it looked cool, and extremely comfortable.

"Nice, isn't it?" Padma murmured in my ear. I nodded in agreement, watching as some very brave men came and asked Parvati to dance. With a wave to both of us, Parvati scampered off with the group of men to go grind on the floor. Seconds later, Padma was missing in action too, and I was left on my little ol' lonesome.

Minutes later, I had a mantra going on in my head that sounded something like this:

Bored.

Bored, bored.

Bored, bored, bored.

Bored, bored.

in tune to the Mission Impossible theme song. It was actually quite humorous, but I was trying not to think about my boredom. Finally, I was desperate enough to go out onto the floor to seek out either Padma or Parvati because I was so bored. The music was not helping either – it was beginning to grate on my nerves.

Of course, my mission to find the missing duo turned out to be a failure.

During the course of stepping into the people grinding, putting' their thang down, and shaking their butts all around, I was mobbed by a group and pulled into a dance. I eventually escaped that group, but then I was grabbed by another that consisted of just one person – a guy. I cannot give you any detail about what he looked like either – he would not let me turn around to face him (or give him a piece of my mind). I can only tell you that he has smooth, warm hands and a deep voice.

It was then that a new song came on. I did not recognize it either, but apparently, my partner did, because he leaned down (Merlin! I must be extremely short if this guy has to lean down that much to talk into my ear!) and practically purred into my ear.

"Dance with me," he breathed lowly into my ear. I could not help the shiver that traveled down my spine at the warm air that blew across my exposed neck. I thought about bringing my foot back and stomping on the guy's foot, but I nodded "yes" instead.

The guy trapped my hands in his, enveloping them completely, and then bringing them up around his neck in a soft, slow movement. I left my arms where they were now positioned, and then he possessively placed his hands on my hips. Then we started to move. It was exhilarating, in a weird sort of way, as I had never danced like this at all before, and the fact that I was being held by a person of the gender I once occupied only added to the feeling.

When our movements evened out and became synchronized, I paid attention to what my senses were telling me. My head was leaning back against a hard chest, meaning he had to be almost a head and a half taller than me. Looking down at his arms, I noticed that his arms were bare from what I could see, and in the crook of his right arm was a tattoo of an intricate, black "Z" with an emerald snake curled around the "Z" and a silver crescent moon behind it. It looked beautiful, and contrasted greatly with his olive colored tan.

The song ended, but we did not separate. He kept a tight, but gentle hold on my hands, and led me into the next dance. This pattern was continued throughout the evening until Padma found me.

"Haley! There you are! Parvati and I have been looking all over this club for you!" Padma exclaimed when she saw me, then balked when she saw I was actually dancing (or it was because she knows my mysterious dancing partner...hmmn...). Smirking, Padma nodded my partner, who released me reluctantly. Padma grabbed my arm before I could turn around to see who I had been dancing with, and dragged me from the floor.

We met Parvati by the door, who also gave me a scolding for disappearing. The three of us walked leisurely outside into the cool night air, waiting semi-patiently for our carriage to pick us up. It was then that I rounded on Padma about my partner.

"Padma, who was I dancing with? I know you know." I asked urgently. Padma began smirking again.

"Now why do you want to know?" She asked, her eyes twinkling in that aggravating way.

"Because I want to know who kept me hostage all night on the dance floor! That's why!" I snarled.

"All night?" Parvati smiled at me knowingly, having heard the whole conversation.

"Yes, all night you twit!" I growled.

"You don't need to worry about who it was, Haley, they aren't going to hurt you or anything." Padma smiled disarmingly at me. "They go to Hogwarts, and are in our class year. I almost did not recognize him, he has gotten so tall! Oh, and Parvati – he's tan! Like he spent a major amount of time on a beach in Greece kind of tan!" She squealed. They both sighed dramatically while I rolled my eyes at them.

While the duo was off in boy-crazy land, I was now settling into shock at my behavior. I mean, I had only been a girl for about a week now, and I had just done some compromising dances with a complete stranger – even if the bugger goes to Hogwarts, so I might know him. I was now on the verge of a panic attack, and I wanted some reassurances for my dual gender-ism.

"Padma!" I gasped, bringing the dazed girls out of their fantasies. "I just danced with a guy!!! In a very sexy manner!" I nearly yelled. Padma got a soft look on her face, like mothers get when their children have done something adorably cute.

"Oh Haley," She said as she pulled me to her, and wrapping a comforting arm around my shoulders and putting my head on her shoulder. "Dancing like that is normal. And if this panic is about dancing with a guy, that is normal, too you know. It is not strange that you might feel attracted to the male gender right now either – you're in a female body, and you have very real female hormones." Padma petted the top of my head. "In fact, we expect you to be. If you do not feel comfortable with it, just do not do it. We'll understand, and you can always come to Parvati or me about anything."

Well, that was definitely reassuring. Not really stroking that male ego of mine I have stuffed in my body, but it was definitely nice to know what Padma had said.

"Thanks Padma." I said, relief clouding my voice. "That really helped."

"Always, Haley." Padma replied.

It was just then that I realized I had been answering to my new name for a long while now, and I had not even noticed. That was also an improvement in the disguise department.

The carriage chose that moment to arrive.

"The carriage is here!" Parvati told us. Padma and I rolled our eyes in unison.

"That it is, Captain Obvious." I snickered at Parvati as I passed her and climbed into the warm carriage.

Parvati stood there and sputtered for a second, then climbed into the carriage furiously, muttering expletitives all the way.

All three of us got comfortable. I leaned my head against the windowpane, thinking. I was starting to cope with the girl thing, even if I had accepted the fact of it earlier this week. I now realize I had only accepted that – the fact. I could live like that, and be free of my responsibility as the Boy Who Lived, but I had only just accepted that I would be living like this – gaining a completely new life in the process – for a long time. Possibly, until Voldemort's demise and that could take a very long time to come.

Although, I think I could live with that.

If I could find out whom my darned dance partner was from tonight.

Sigh. Another mystery for another day.

Around ten minutes later, the carriage pulled up in front of Hogwarts, and we scrambled out of it. Slowly, we climbed the stairs to Gryffindor Tower, went in, changed our clothes and swiftly removed all traces of makeup, and dove into our cozy beds.


	6. Give A Little Bit Part 1

Title: Dude Looks Like A Lady

Genre: Humor/Romance

Character(s): Harry P and ?

Rating: PG-13

Summary: AU (5th Year) Harry gets turned into a female because it would "protect her from Voldemort indefinitely" for some reason. Harry is suddenly free from her old responsibility as Harry Potter. Could Harry leave that kind of life to become Harry Potter again?

Author's Note: Hello my beloved readers! I am so sorry that I haven't updated in such a long time! I'll try and get as many chapters out as I possibly can, but the Writer's Block disease has hit me hard – so if you have any ideas, tell me! I wanna hear them! I decided to something different with this chapter – it's in Severus Snape's POV! R&R!

I also replaced chapter 6 with this chapter. I like this one better – but I'm biased! There is also an interlude at the end of this chapter – please R&R!

Chapter 6: Give A Little Bit

Snape's POV

It had all started out like a normal day; the birds were singing, the wind was blowing, my potions were bubbling as normal, and I didn't have a long lost daughter dropped into my lap from out of nowhere.

Yes, you heard me – long lost daughter from out of nowhere.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking – because that's exactly what I was thinking about hours ago. This is how my normal, grumpy life was dragged out from under me in under a few minutes…..

It was around maybe ten a.m. when I felt someone portkey onto the grounds of Snape Manor. I would know, as I had the wards keyed to me long ago by my grandfather. So, I walked down to the Entrance Hall to find out who the guest was.

When I reached the hall, I saw my mother, Rosalba Snape, making good with the person standing there. It wasn't until a moment later that the person, no…WOMAN…my mother was talking to was none other than –

"YOU!" I snarled (I was much more emotional once I was away from those stupid little ankle biters known as Hogwarts students – and just a tad nicer. Not.) The woman, now recognized by her almost feral smile (that looked like a jungle cat's) and striking features, looked up and smiled her annoying feral smile at me.

"Hello Severus dear." The woman greeted cordially. I inwardly rolled my eyes. The only reason she wasn't spitting out insults at me was because the "revered Mistress Snape" was standing there giving me – and HER also – the evil eye.

"Yes, HELLO Lucinda." I growled, trying to hold in the insults. It was hard to do this, and I wished my mother would disappear so I could let them loose. Wait, I guess I should explain WHY I hated her so much; Lucinda (or Lucifer as I preferred to call her) was someone I went to Hogwarts with. She wasn't made for Slytherin – maybe Ravenclaw – for she was too nice. But because she was too nice, the other future Death Eaters ate her up and spit her out within her first year, and she became a sarcastic, evil, annoying thorn in everyone's side.

Especially mine.

Of course, most of my hatred of Lucinda came from the failed marriage (arranged at birth!) about 15 years ago (non traditional thank Merlin – I could not stand being married to her for the rest of my spying life!). No children that I know of ever became of that horrible marriage.

Back to the problem at hand, though.

"Lucinda my dear, you must stay for tea and tell me about what's been going on in your life! I never get to see you!" Rosalba smiled brightly at my ex-wife. I watched as Lucinda quickly schooled her features to hide the wince of guilt on her face that practically screamed to my "blackmail senses" that she was hiding something big. I know this woman, in the traditional sense, and she would have never come here in the summer, especially knowing that I resided here during August (I never come to the Manor any other time because of my duties to the school and contract work around Europe any other time), even though I had come back a day early.

"Yes, Lucinda, you simply MUST join us for tea!" I smiled, baring my teeth at her in a smile (all Hogwarts students ran when they saw this, I have absolutely NO idea why this could be!).

She couldn't hide her look of panic when I backed my mother up. Score for me.

"I couldn't possibly impose on you Mrs. Snape." Lucinda stated formally. Then she paused, "I do need to speak with Severus alone for a moment, though, please."

Shocker, there. Why else could my ex-wife want? She would have never come for anything else.

Mother finally acquiesced after a moment, giving me a hard look that clearly said "Don't blow it!" My mother, ever the romantic, still thought that Lucinda was the perfect match for me.

We were silent for some time, both knowing that my mother was listening in at the keyhole through the door. There was no need to cast silencing spells either, as they didn't work in the Entrance Hall for that exact purpose. So we could hear the bell that announced guests.

Then, finally, Lucinda spoke up. "Severus, I know that we didn't leave things on the right foot. There is little I can do about that now, but I feel that you need to know something." She fidgeted, and I began to truly grow impatient. I was not a very patient man by nature.

"Well? What is your deep dark secret Lucinda?" I snapped. She glanced guiltily at the wall beside her, then over my shoulder, and finally at my face.

"I was not entirely…truthful…about us not conceiving a child, Severus." She answered hesitantly. In layman's terms, it meant that I had a child. Okay – refusing to panic, refusing to become hysterical! Soul of ice. Hell, soul of Muggle liquid nitrogen!

There was a high pitched squeal from behind the door that sounded suspiciously like "GRANDCHILDREN!"

I shifted my glare from the door to Lucinda.

"Um…" Lucinda was definitely trying to avoid looking me in the eyes. "Your daughter, if you want to see her, can arrive within the hour if you so wish it Severus." She said to me quietly.

"A GRANDAUGHTER! WHEEE!"

I glared harder, suddenly angry that I had missed over 15 years of child's life. "Why is it, Lucinda, that it is only after 15 years that you come and tell me I have a daughter?"

"Severus," Lucinda looked up at me. "Can you not understand why?"

I shook my head slowly, not truly understanding why this very strong and stubborn woman was this upset.

"Severus, we were not married in the traditional fashion. This means that we could separate legally with an equal share of what we had together." Lucinda stressed the word 'together'. "I only found out about being with child after the divorce was settled. You know how fast the divorce papers were filed – it took barely a month. I was so stressed about it that the symptoms only seemed like reactions to stress."

"I understand." I shrugged my shoulders – not very dignified, but I was beyond caring now. "We had parted on bad terms and you were…afraid…that I would want to take custody of my only, though unborn, child and heir. It is understandable."

Lucinda seemed relieved. Then she got an indescribable look on her face that seemed almost like pained guilt. "I am sorry Severus." And she looked it too. "Not just about our daughter, but our marriage too."

I walked closer to her, lifting my hand and placing it on her shoulder. "I know." It was all I needed to say. We both knew the marriage was arranged, and a traditional wedding did not include all the spells that helped arranged marriages (like the Malfoys) stay for long periods of time. I had been free of all responsibilities from our old marriage, but something that happened during it always seemed to crop up and bite me in the ass.

The mood seemed to drift away from us.

"So, where so we go from here?" Lucinda asked quietly.

"First, I would like to meet my daughter, possibly tomorrow morning." I said strongly. "Then, we'll see what'll happen from there."

Lucinda smiled up at me. "I'd like for that to happen, Severus."

Finally, it seemed that my mother couldn't contain herself. She burst through the door wailing about granddaughters and finally having an heir to the Snape family. It wasn't until much later that Lucinda was able to escape my mother and leave the premises.

Interlude #1: The Mystery Behind Lucinda

Lucinda's POV

I felt relieved when I left Severus'. I hated to be under that man's heated glare for any longer than I had to be! I was only doing this to because I owed him the truth. Yes, I did have a daughter by that man – however, I have no idea where she is anymore, as she was kidnapped when she was a 3 year old by some Muggle when she was with the nanny and I have never seen her since.

Don't think that I'm not a caring mother, because I am. I looked for my daughter, for over seven years, I looked. I never got a ransom note, or a note gloating to me of her death. I know that many would have loved the chance to do both. Severus and I have both made many enemies, and I can only accuse so many before they come after me and my fruitless search would be for nothing.

The only person who knew of my daughter was Albus Dumbledore, and he was sworn by Wizard's Oath, and a Blood Oath, to never say anything about my precious daughter to Severus. As far as I know, he has never said a thing.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand.

Dumbledore had contacted me a few days ago, asking him to meet me because we had to discuss something very important. Of course, I went and talked with him. In this meeting, he revealed that one Harry James Potter, savior of the Wizarding World, needed a disguise that had sufficient background to hold for a long period of time.

I knew immediately what he wanted me to do.

And, of course, I eventually agreed to it.

My daughter, missing from the time she was 3, would suddenly be found and I would reveal her to the world – starting with my ex-husband, Severus Snape. It, in all actuality, was a good plan.

I would get to meet Harry Potter tomorrow morning, and then I would be taking him – er, her – to meet her new father. Merlin, I do hope everything turns out alright for everyone that is in on this scheme…

Either way, if this plan falls through, I will be telling Severus the truth by next summer, like I try to do every summer, even if it kills me.


	7. Give A Little Bit Part 2

Title: Dude Looks Like A Lady

Genre: Humor/Romance

Character(s): Harry P and ?

Rating: PG-13

Summary: AU (5th Year) Harry gets turned into a female because it would "protect her from Voldemort indefinitely" for some reason. Harry is suddenly free from her old responsibility as Harry Potter. Could Harry leave that kind of life to become Harry Potter again?

Author's Notes: WOW! I'm amazed at the amount of reviews I've collected in the span of time that I've been gone! I'd like to apologize for not updating – I had a paper due for school that took top priority in my life (its over half of my semester grade!). So, sorry again. I'd also like to mention (if anyone actually reads these notes) that I will be gone from June 13 to July 2. I will try to get another update out before I leave though! R&R!

This is a slightly pointless chapter, but I hope to have the story start to pick up a bit soon.

Chapter Seven: Give A Little Bit (Part 2)

You know when you wake up in the morning and everything just doesn't feel right in the world? Yeah, I'm having one of those mornings. It all started when I walked into the Great Hall for an early breakfast when I saw a strange woman sitting at the table (there's only one table because so few professors stay for the summer). She had long silvery white hair and darkly tanned skin and was dressed in a pair of slacks and blouse. She was older, probably around 35-ish. Overall, she was beautiful.

Unconsciously, I walked toward her and the rest of staff. I hadn't realized I was that close to them until I bumped the back of a chair. I startled both the lady and myself in doing so. She then looked toward me and into my eyes.

Both of our eyes widened – our matching emerald eyes.

The lady stood quickly and almost began to walk from the room when Albus (as he insisted I call him until school started again) grabbed her hand and pulled her back down into her seat.

"Harry, this is Lucinda le Fey. Lucinda, this is Harry Potter, also known now as Harmony Snape." Dumbledore introduced us, using a calming voice to sooth Lucinda. I stared at her, barely concealing my curiosity about her surname. Lucinda on the other hand had gained a slight grimace, which was also half smirk.

"Well," Lucinda said in a surprisingly strong alto, "it's good to know that my 'supposed' genes run strong in this child."

I was sure I was gaping. This was Snape's wife? Oh Merlin…. "Huh?" I asked dumbly. Lucinda chuckled.

"Yes, I am Severus' ex-wife my child." Lucinda smiled, showing off her brilliantly white smile.

"So, you're my…mother?" I said, although it sounded more like a question.

"Yes, I suppose that would make me your mother." Lucinda nodded.

Dumbledore then stood, "I'll leave the two of you here to talk," and then he left the Great Hall.

"Um…" I started. "This is very uncomfortable."

"Yes, it is." Lucinda concurred. "What would you like to know about me?"

I had to think about this. What would I like to know about my real mother, Lily Potter? What would I ask her if I ever got the chance to speak to her in my lifetime, besides the incident in the graveyard withstanding,

"Why is your hair white?" I asked, and then silently smacked my head in frustration with my runaway mouth.

Lucinda, though, seemed to take the odd question in stride. "My hair is white because I am of the le Fey line. The women of this line always have white hair, as it changes to that color when we come into our power."

Ah, that makes sense, I thought. Okay next question. "When do you come into your power? And if I am to be adopted by Snape, and I'm not actually of your line, will he not be suspicious if my hair doesn't turn white also?"

"Very good. I had wondered this myself." Lucinda smiled softly. "You see Harry, there is where this plan of Dumbledore's has flaws – my line is very old, and very powerful. The ancestors will not take kindly to someone claiming the Blood Right when they are not of my blood, but I will come back to this later." Lucinda ran a shaky hand through her hair. "Now, your questions. A woman of the le Fey line comes into their power on their 16th birthday. I understand that your 15th is today, correct?"

I nodded yes.

"Well, we have a year then to sort out that problem, unless your magic is that powerful that it starts your Blood Right before then. Moving on to your second question now. Yes, Severus will be suspicious if it does not change though I can not help in that respect – only my rightful daughter may take the Blood Right of the le Fey clan." Lucinda says sadly, as if a great tragedy hangs over head.

"What's wrong?" I asked, worried about making my new mother upset.

"Oh my dear…." Lucinda smiled, slight tears coming to her eyes. "Severus and I had a child, a little girl by the name of Halynn. Severus never knew, because we spilt before she was ever born. Then she was kidnapped when she was about three years old. I have never seen her since then."

"How sad…" I murmured.

"I was only sad because you look so much like her it is amazing. I only know that you are not her as you were definitely born to the Potters and were the defeater of the Dark Lord when you were one." Lucinda smiled at me.

"I do believe that is all the questions I have for you." I told her. Lucinda nodded thoughtfully.

"Since you have not had breakfast yet and I did promise Severus he would be meeting his daughter this morning, why don't we apparate to the manor so we can accomplish both?" Lucinda said as she began pulling me out of the Great Hall and toward the Entrance Hall doors. Soon, we had passed the grounds barrier; my arm was still in her hand, so when she apparated I was forced along with her.


	8. Give A Little Bit Part 3

Title: Dude Looks Like A Lady

Genre: Humor/Romance

Character(s): Harry P and ?

Rating: PG-13

Summary: AU (5th Year) Harry gets turned into a girl because it would "protect her from Voldemort indefinitely" for some reason. Harry now has a loving family because of this change. In this new body, Harry finds romance and the ability to finally be herself. R&R!

Author's Notes: Hey all! Just want you to know that I finally returned from my trip!

Chapter Eight: Give A Little Bit (Part 3)

Suddenly, the two of us appeared in front of an imposing manor house that was made of cold granite blocks. There was a large, well-cared lawn with a multitude of gardens surrounding the manor along with a gothic-like iron fence. Lucinda seemed to ignore the iron gate/fence and pushed her way inside and dragged me along with her up to the front door.

It was about here in this escapade that it degenerated into chaos.

All of a sudden, the door flew open from the inside, just missing my nose by bare centimeters. As it was, I was cringing in hope that the huge wooden door wouldn't hurt me too much. It was because I was cringing with my eyes closed that I didn't see the grandmotherly women suddenly gain a lot more exuberance in her body as she bowled towards me.

I did not miss, however, that I was suddenly swept up in a stranglehold (also know as a hug to the Snape matriarch). I felt my eyes bug out and I tried to gasp for the air I was now lost of.

This bone crushing, air reducing hug was also accompanied by the horrifying sound of -

"GRANDDAUGHTER!"

I suddenly choked on whatever air was left in my lungs.

"Dearest," a masculine voice said humorously from somewhere near my not-so-immediate right, "if you don't let the poor girl go, you might not have a grandchild left is you keep strangling her like you are now."

My (obviously!) grandmother abruptly let me go, and I stumbled away from her, gasping for breath.

Of course, my "grandmother" did not see me doing this as she had practically received whiplash from turning around so fast so she could scold the man who had spoken to her.

"Honestly Marcus, can't you ever be serious! I was only giving my ONLY-" it was here that my grandmother gave a young woman close to the door a dark look, "- grandchild a hug! How dare you accuse me of strangling her! Don't you forget that you sleep in the same house as I do, my dear! I WILL have my revenge on you if you insist on behaving so immaturely!" My grandmother threatened darkly, her eyes shooting sparks.

The older man, Marcus, cringed.

While my "grandmother" continued to lecture the older man, I took the chance to get a look at the people who were standing in front of me. There were five people that were standing in or near the entrance to the manor.

One was Severus Snape, who stared carefully at me like he was trying to see how much of me could be placed in a potion if he felt that I was in no way his daughter (which was true, but he didn't know that), and was dressed as he normally did.

The second was a woman that stood next to Snape with shiny black hair that reached her hips, pale skin, dark eyes, and was dressed classily.

The third was a man that was currently standing in the doorway with wavy silver hair and bronze skin and was dressed casually in slacks and a buttoned shirt.

The fourth was the man named Marcus, who had shoulder length black hair, a slight tan, and was also dressed in slacks and a buttoned shirt.

Last was my grandmother, who had curly auburn hair peppered with liberal streaks of silvery grey and bright eyes, and was sheathed in a slimming black dress and heels.

Finally, it seemed that my grandmother's voice began to get hoarse from all her yelling. Immediately, she grabbed my arm and began yanking me towards Snape.

Oh Merlin – she did NOT just make me hug Snape!

HELP MEEEEEEE!

In a fit of what I'd definitely like to call stupidity, I practically leapt off of Snape to run behind Lucinda, who had had to run to catch up with my Grandmother, whose name I hadn't got and I didn't remember.

Snape actually looked offended.

Oh Merlin, now I feel really guilty….

"Young lady, that was very rude of you to reject your father like that! What do you have to say for yourself?" Grandmother walked swiftly up into my face, her finger pointed between my eyes, making them cross.

I backed up a step to regain some personal space.

"Okay, listen. I'm really sorry about how I reacted! I'm not a very touchy-feely kind of gu- um, girl, you know? I've only just met him – I didn't even KNOW he was my biological father until now! I still don't for that matter – I only guessed that he was because you pushed me into him! Do you understand?" I panted for breath, my fast paced explanation finally over.

"Bambina, that's perfectly understandable!" My grandmother smiled gently as she patted my shoulder. "If anything we ever do make you uncomfortable, please tell us!"

"Yes ma'am." I nodded. Then, my grandmother clapped happily and declared, "Well, let me introduce you to everyone here!" while dragging me first to the man named Marcus.

"This is my husband Marcus, which would make him your grandfather. Please feel free to call him Nonno or grandfather, Bambina." Marcus opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by Grandmother. "Don't even think about it, Marcus. Next, is your great-grandfather Brandon on your father's side of the family."

I was pulled into a gentile embrace by the silver-haired man. I tried not to pull away from the unfamiliar gesture – trying, because I knew that these people were not the Dursleys, and I refused to judge the whole family by Snape's action towards me as he did to me about mine.

"After him is your Aunt Ciel, who is a Healer at St. Mungo's." Ciel gave me a kiss on both cheeks and on my forehead and also a small pat on the side of my face.

"Lastly, there is your father, Severus." My grandmother finished with a bright smile. "Oh, and my name's Rosalba, but I expect you to call me Nonna or something similar, Bambina." My grandmother eyed me, a gleam in her eye.

I gulped, suddenly very afraid.

Then, Lucinda suddenly appeared from behind Marcus. She was dressed as she had been earlier, but she had a white apron over it all and a spatula held securely in her right hand.

"Anybody hungry?" Lucinda asked with a raised eyebrow. "I know that Harmony hasn't eaten at all this morning, and I remember that no one in this household ever likes rising before nine in the morning – besides Severus that is – "it was here that Lucinda cast an exasperated look at her ex-husband, making me almost wonder what had caused it, before continuing, "and I am quite sure that no one breaks their fast before ten?"

"Yes, that is right Lucinda." The silver haired man, Brandon, spoke for the first time in an amazingly deep voice that sent shivers down my spine.

Lucinda nodded and motioned for the rest of us to follow her to the dining area, which held a large assortment of English breakfast foods. I felt my stomach grumble as I gazed upon all the food and I wondered why Lucinda was wearing an apron – surely she didn't cook all of it, did she? Grandmother took charge soon enough, though.

"Sit, sit everyone!" She commanded sternly.

Everyone sat immediately.

"So my dear," Marcus (or Grandfather) "Where have you been for the past twelve years?"

Uh oh….very unexpected question! How in Merlin's name was I supposed to answer THAT!

"Um…" I thought back to when I first met Lucinda, and what she had told me then. "I was kidnapped from Lucinda when I was three; I believe that she told you this, yes?" I looked at Lucinda, as if I was making sure my point was correct.

Lucinda shook her head no.

Great, just fabulous!

"You were WHAT?" That was Grandmother.

"I was kidnapped." I responded promptly. "According to my parents, they found me on their doorstep when Mum went to get the weekly milk delivery." Unknown to them, I was using MY story, well…the story about how Aunt Petunia kept using as an excuse for me to do something as I should really be grateful for all that they'd done for me! Continuing, I murmured, "They tried for months to find my original family, but they never did. Eventually, the Social Services allowed them to adopt me."

"Oh, honey…." Lucinda whispered quietly, "I never knew…"

I spooned a large amount of eggs into my mouth, chewed, and then swallowed. "I know. That's why I didn't say anything."

No one spoke for a while. I knew that they were trying to digest this information, as they hadn't known I had been missing before this morning.

"How," Ciel, my aunt, speaking for the first time, "how long had you know Lucinda before you met us?" She asked, her voice a even alto.

I raised my eyes from the table to glance at her, before moving my eyes to Lucinda. "I met her this morning. I had been at Hogwarts for about a week and a half before Dumbledore contacted Lucinda, mother, with the information."

"Oh…" Aunt Ciel murmured.

"Well then!" Grandmother smiled gently at me. "This will give everyone a chance to get to know you better! I think everyone is done breaking their fast, so why don't we retire to the parlor where we can talk in comfort hmmn?" Grandmother stood, followed by the rest of the table, and we moved into the parlor.

I only hoped that I wouldn't screw everything up….

It was later that day – actually, it was very MUCH later – that I was returned to Hogwarts. Overall, the day had gone well…except for the Snape's overly embarrassing questions. For example…"Are you a virgin?"

YES I BLOODY WELL AM!

Understandably, I was…tense…when I returned to Hogwarts in time for the evening meal.

"How was your day, Harmony?" Remus asked, trying unsuccessfully to smother his snickers at my murderous expression. I quickly fastened my glare onto the werewolf, refusing to even speak for fear of what might escape from me.

"Not good then?" He continued. "I understand. I have days like that too." This would have been a somewhat comforting statement if it wasn't accompanied by him ruffling my already messy (who knew that Apparating had wind?) hair. I just couldn't stop myself after that.

"Well, if you have days bloody similar to mine, tell me this…HAVE YOUR GRANDPARENTS EVER ASKED YOU IF YOU WERE A VIRGIN!" I continued to get steadily louder as it poured out of my mouth.

The whole table was silent.

And staring at me.

Suddenly, there was a snicker, which mysteriously turned into a grunt as said person got elbowed rather viciously.

I glanced around suspiciously at all the people sitting at the table with me (a grand total of five). I couldn't see McGonagall or Flitwick or Dumbledore snickering at me, or even looking remotely guilty for that matter, but their eyes fastened on one Sirius Black drew my attention to my wayward godfather (or dogfather, as it were…).

My glare settled on the dog Animagus, who gulped audibly at the sudden attention. I remained silent, hoping (but mostly letting) that my glare would speak for itself.

It did.

Everyone at the table pretty much left me alone after that. I finished my meal in peace and then I went up to the Gryffindor common room to get ready to go out. I didn't really feel like staying at Hogwarts for the evening, and it was still early. It was only seven in the evening…

I found out from the Fat Lady that the Patil twins had already left for the evening; I assumed that they were going to the same place I was – The Whirling Wand.

It was an hour later that I was admitted into the club. I had dressed in a pair of skin tight leather hip-huggers and an emerald green spaghetti strap shirt with a slinky black shirt mesh over it. A pair of tiny boots on my feet and a smear of lip gloss and eyeliner completed my ensemble. I was groomed and ready to take on the world….well, the dance club at least!

The club was just like it was the last time I was in – loud, with multiple colored lights flashing on the dancing couples and dark in the surrounding corners. I still loved it. No one knew who you were in here and even then, it didn't really matter if they did. The club should have been called Freedom.

I quickly made my way onto the dance floor – where else? I was still comfortable from dinner, so there was no need to go to the bar yet – and joined the fray of moving bodies that had transformed from couples into what Parvati called a "mosh" and let myself go, not knowing that this was the night that would change my life at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.


End file.
